Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Hair a Color, There a Color…Everywhere a Different Color

I have a question:  who comes up with the names on boxes of hair color?  I'll even go a step further and ask: are they trying to piss us off with these ridiculous misnomers that are not even close to the color we're going for?

Okay, so it's no big secret - I color my hair.  I've been coloring it for year, and honestly, I try to get as close to my natural color … or rather what I remember my natural color being - as possible.  I started coloring when I was just out of high school and the main reason I did is because I noticed a lot of gray in my hair very early.  My mom's sister, my Aunt Go (it's really Gloria, but we all called her Go), went salt and pepper when she was in her 20's and I definitely got Aunt Go's hair.  Plus, on the left side, right in front, there is a lock of hair that's pretty much white and has been for years.  I should also confess that though I've been coloring my hair for years, I've never had it professionally colored - I've always used an at home kit and done it myself.


Over the last year or so, I've noticed that each time I color my hair, it comes out different.  In part because I've used different brands, though I've always stayed in the same color family, but I also know that my hair has a lot MORE gray than it used to, and the texture of my hair has changed over the years as well.  All of these factors contribute to the fact that each time I color, it looks just a bit different than the last time.  I've been trying different brands to see if I can actually find a brand that consistently looks the same … resulting in a color that I actually like.  I'm getting tired of waking up 'the morning after' and thinking "Eee gads, what have I done?!"  I've been doing a little research and thought I'd come up with the perfect hair color!  I was excited to give it a go and last night I finally got up the gumption to color.  The result?

(Double handed face slap.  Think: "Home Alone")  EEE GADS…WHAT HAVE I DONE?  Where did I go and who is that person in the mirror staring back at me?  And what on EARTH did she do to her hair?

So many women color their hair, that it's never truly shocking when a co-worker walks in and her hair is a bit different from the last time they colored.  I work with a lot of women, so it's pretty much a common weekly occurrence.  Likewise, with the exception of coloring your hair, oh I don't know, let's say royal blue, most women won't even comment on another woman's fresh hair color.  You may get an occasional 'hey, you're hair looks great!', but generally nothing more than that.  Men, on the other hand, are surprisingly adept at "color" commentary with nary a word.  I think it has something in the look of utter SHOCK on their face … but that's just a guess.  At any rate, when you've achieved  'the look', well, it's time to keep looking - for a different hair color.

After last night's … ummm … color fest, one thing suddenly became crystal clear:  WE are not selecting the wrong hair color, but rather, the MANUFACTURERS are mis-representing their products!  I mean really - when the front of the box says "6RB - Light Reddish Brown", how exactly are you supposed to know what color that is?  Trust me when I tell you, there is nothing LIGHT about it, and quite frankly, it can't seem to decide if it's "reddish" or "brown", let alone where the 6 comes in.  To remedy this egregious error, I've come up with a new color-naming system.  From now on, I want the manufacturer's to start naming hair color something we can identify with.  For instance, wouldn't you know EXACTLY what it meant if the color were called "Julia Robert in Pretty Woman Auburn", or "Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail Blonde".  Wouldn't that just make more sense?  I would be able to find exactly the color I wanted with this system, and I'll bet you would, too!  And really, the possibilities are endless:  "Amy Adams in American Hustle Golden Brown", "Jennifer Lawrence in Hunger Games Brilliant Brunette"…the list goes on and on!

So listen up L'oreal, Clairol, and Garnier!!  We're fed up and we're not going to take it any more!  Give us the hair color we want with a name that makes sense, or we'll let our (gray) hair down and let the wisps fall where it may!